i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
