Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
