Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
