apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
