YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came so hard my ears popped.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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