dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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