So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
