the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
