I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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