First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
