how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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