Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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