Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
