I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
