that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
