Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
tell me about the eggs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize