I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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