im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
