i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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