they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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