Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
