Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
