I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
