My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
