you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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