Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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