why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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