Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
