What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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