A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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