absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if only i could text you this smell
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
