Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
