It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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