I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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