Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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