the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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