I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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