Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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