Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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