My nipple is on Facebook.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
