Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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