I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
