i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
