Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
