My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
