Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
