i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
