everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
