she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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