Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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