**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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