just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
