My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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