so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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