Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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