Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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