I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
