I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
