Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
